Fuck you.

I haven't been on here in forever. Btw, it totally BLOWS over tumblr too. Tumblr is better:p lolololol.
I can't wait for school to start<3 I miss my friends and friends I haven't seen in like two years and all that good stuff, oooomg. Not to mention how great my birthday this year is going to be.

I hate everyone.

I hate everyone.
No, I'm being dead serious.
Am I really that bad of an influence? What do I do that's so bad? I feel like every single thing I have is slipping from my grasp. Sitting alone in your house all day doing nothing but cry isn't normal.

UHGNJKDSALHDJKLS!

I hate it when my boyfriend just ups and ignores me! Over something so ignorant.
Am I that much of a failure to you all the time? I don't mean to be. Do I really fuck up that much? I didn't think I did. BUUUUT, apparently I do. I wanted to call you and talk to you all night:(  But I'm pretty sure you've went to sleep or something because I should've woke up just a little earlier. I just want to go to sleep. Sadly enough, I can't. I'll be awake all night missing you and feeling terrible for something that's not even a big deal.

Is being pissed at me over nothing really at all worth it?:(

Ruff Ruff Bark

So, park pool this weeeeekend. If I can get Marie to go :(  Or Meegun. I REALLY WANNA GO and they're opening this weekend. I mean, c'monnn. Someone cut me some slack haha. My eyes are hurting and I'm a tad burnt from tanning lol. But it's all good because it's not like I'm roasted or anything. I'm also very proud of Luuuucy because she over come a fear the other day. :P She knows what I'm talking about.
"I've got a woman stay drunk all day. I said I've got a little woman and she won't be true" - Led Zeppelin.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

So, right now, I'm waiting on my boyfriend to say when to call him back. I'm tired as fuuudge, I have to get up early in the morning, and all this other junk. Buuuut, I love him...so I'll wait up on him. Hopefully it won't take all night, though:( 
GAH. I'm having....ISSUES lately too D;
ISSUES THAT ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, but still. Lucy and Meegun know what I'm talking about.

fkkkkyeah.

I'm just too tired from jumping on all those inflatibles!

I'm sorrrrry, Rucy.

Westest blows assholes. I've had an unnatural habbit of painting my nails these past few days. LOL and I also get really pissed when my nail chips. So then I'll take allll the polish off and paint them all over again. (and here I go repainting them at the moment)

Music sounds pretty inviting right about now.

I swear I thought Lucy was going to slap me this morning and she knows why. I'm sorry, Rucy. =/

Latertater.

Okay, so I’m not supposed to be on blogger AT THIS TIME because I’m kind of in 5^th period and I’m supposed to be doing something about a family tree…..BUT I CAN’T JUST…concentrate why everyone’s in here looking and me and junk. So, I’ll just to it over the weekend or something. Yeah, that sounds good to me.
I could really use something to listen to right about now. No, actually I could really use some sleep. Blogger, I love you because you listen to me rant about things nobody else would. (I know nobody really reads my blogs, so it’s alllll goooood.) Mom’s back in the hospital again. So, I was there pretty late last night. Momaw hasn’t even been home at all. I went to bed probably around 1:30 AM or 2:00 AM and had to wake up around 5:00 AM. -_____-  3 and a half hours of sleep isn’t fun.

Everyone’s aggravating me today too. I know I always say that, but right now…I could just hit someone.

I think I’m going to walk after schooool wiff Chris. (mycousin) because I get lonely walking all by myself and I’m sure momaw isn’t going to be back home from the hospital by the time school lets out. GHEYYY.
I’m going to goooo.
LATERTATER!

Softball?

So, I haven't been on in forever. Why? Because I've had much better things to do....(ntrlly) My life is actually really boring. LOL. I'm thinking about playing softball next year? MAYBE. I mean, I have nothing at all better to do with my days as of right now.
Right now I just sit around the house and listen to music...and eat. Hah. Not very good if you ask me.

Foooook.

I cannot take these cramps! -________-

Candlebox - Left Me Far Behind.

Now maybe.
I didn't mean to treat you bad but I did it anyway. And then maybe. Some would say your life was sad but you lived it anyway. And so maybe. You're friends they stand around they watch you crumble. As you falter to the ground. And then some day. Your friends they stand beside as you were flying. Oh, you were flying oh so high. But then someday people look at you for what they call their own, they watch you suffer. Yeah, they hear you calling home. And then some day we could take our time. To brush the leaves aside so you can reach us. But you left me far behind.

Now maybe.
I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad but I did it anyway. Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had. But you couldn't share the pain.

No, no, no.
Couldn't share the pain, they watch you suffer. Now maybe I could have made my own mistakes. But I live with what I've known. And then maybe we might share in something rare. But won't you look at where we've grown. Won't you look at where we've gone. But then someday comes. Tomorrow holds a sense of what I feel for you in my mind. As you trip the final line. And that cold day when you lost control. Shame you left my life so soon you should have told me. But you left me far behind.

Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad. But I did it anyway. Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had. But you couldn't share the pain, no, no, no.

Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad. But I did it anyway, Now maybe baby some would say you're left with what you had. But you couldn't share the pain. I said times have changed your friends. They come and watch you crumble to the ground. They watch you suffer. Yeah, they hold you down. Hold you down. Now mabe, oh, oh, maybe. I didn't mean to treat you bad.
But you left me far behind.
Left me far behind.
Left me far behind.

Blahblahblah. Complain complain complain.

Okay, it's definitely time to complain about things before I explode.
WHY DO I ALWAYS MESS EVERYTHING UP?!?! I don't understand! I don't understand how I can be such a bad girlfriend or a friend or a daughter. Apparently I don't try at anything. Apparently I'm never there for my friends. Apparently I never call my dad because I don't care or because I hate him.
Jacob, I do try. I love you more than anything. (it's not like you're going to ever read this)
Friends, Go suck a tit if you don't think I'm here for you. More than likely, it's just you being ignorant.
Dad, I don't call you because every time I do, I end up crying by the time I get off the phone.

I'm sorry if I seem like such a terrible person because I'm really not all that bad if I do say so myself. I try! But all my efforts are folded into a big ball of shit and threw in my face. I'm sorry I can't be perfect and I'm sorry I can't be mrs. incredible.

My Spring break is going to be horrible. I already feel it.
Looks like I'll see lots of facebook and tumblr and my bed. Ooooh, yes. Especially my bed. What do I want to do over Spring Break? I want to see my perfect boyfriend every day and go lay in the grass buuuuut nooooo. That's just impossible, isn't it?
OR have Lucy come up and hang out with me...yaknow..stay the night or something. Buuuuut noooo. Her mom hates me and won't let her.
Sierra's mom says she has an attitude.
WTF?!

This sucks. It's 10:00 and I'm already considering going to bed this early...and it's the first day of break. I bet you a trillion bucks the hospital will call about 3:00 in the morning and everyone is going to have to stroll over there in the middle of the night.
I'm sick of all this horseshit.

F...m...l....

This is the worst day of my life.
I'm losing everything.
My friends.
My boyfriend.
My family.
Everything.

Apparently the one person in this world who I thought cared hates me. Literally. "i hate you!" proves that.

Nirvana - Dumb.

I"m not like them but I can pretend. The sun has gone but I have a light. The day is done but I'm having fun.

I think I'm dumb...maybe just happy? Think I'm just happy. Think I'm just happy. Think I'm just happy.

My heart is broke but I have some glue. Help me inhale and mend it with you. We'll float around and hang out on clouds.

Then we'll come down....and have a hangover. Have a hangover. Have a hangover. Have a hangover.

Sink the sun. Fall asleep. Wish away. The soul is cheap. Lesson learned. Wish me luck. Soothe the burn. Wake me up.

I'm not like them but I can pretend. The sun has gone but I have a light. The day is done but I'm having fun.

I think I'm dumb... maybe just happy? Think I'm just happy. Think I'm just happy. Think I'm just happy.

I think I'm dumb.

I think I"m dumb.

Hmmm?

I'm seriously considering cutting all my hair off.
I know I've told like...everyone not to let me cut my hair off because...well...it took me two years to get it where it is now. But it's just so annoying, man.


"This love hate sex pain" - Godsmack.

So, I'm in love with this dead man.

 

Layne Staley<333

Too sillly? Yes, I'm much too silly.

Mom's doing pretty bad again. Bleh. I hate feeling like this. Yaknow, unable to breath, constant worry, crying until I feel like my eyes are going to bleed, dreading the phone ringing in dear that it's bad news, ect.
It sucks is all.
Then to beat it all, my bestfriend made me bawl lastnight when I was at my worst. Don't preach to me. I'm not being brainwashed. I'm confused and thinking about things. I'll make my own decisions and I don't need any guidance about that kind of thing. That's ridiculous. Saying it's my fault if my mom dies? Damn, that's just pretty low no matter what the reason. And no, it's not my fault when bad things happen to her. I love her with all my heart and NOBODY is going to tell me I don't!

Anyway, on to happier things. I feel like a total skankface right now. I've slept all day mostly. I'm not kidding. All. Day. Now I need to go to sleep for school tomorrow and it's pretty much impossible because a person can only sleep so much, right?
I baked a cake today too! And it was good. I couldn't believe it. I baked something and didn't absolutely ruin it. ;D
I still have people saying I've changed (people meaning one person in this case) and that's BS. I'm not the one who's changed, they have. Lol, jeeze. I can't believe the situations she's put herself into. She's pretty much ruined her life with stupid mistakes and lies. Things she can' reverse, but the facts will never go away. I don't think she can pull herself out of this hole this time. She's stuck tight. -____- 

Well, I'm going to bed soon, so...later?

=))

So, today Keshi and I tyedyed.

Choooooocoooolateee pieeee.

I'm going to kill Dakota for not coming to school today and leaving me at that stupid field trip (which was terrible, btw.) The bright side about today is Keshi Wee came in! Only for the weekend, but anything's something! We went to wallyworld and got pie stuffs and then got home and watched The Trailer Park Boys....aaaand I fell asleep as always. Gaaaay.

Tomorrow is going to be a hecktic day. Getting up kinda early and going to the mall. Then movies when we get back. :]  I loves my Kesh. I wish she didn't have to leave so soon. D:  Awux is too sensitive.

I hate the human race.

I want to go walking down the road but I'm lonely right now and have nobody to walk with....because I'm disliked..lol.
I was in the middle of a blog earlier, but Bennett was all like "Hmmm....AREWESUPPOSEDTOBEDOINGTHISNOW?" I'm just like UGH, Idkkkk why notttt...I mean c'monnn.
There's a gay field trip tomorrow which I really don't want to go to. I nigguh promised Dakota though, so I guess I have to. I'm positive Lucy would try to strangle me too. The only people who call me are telemarketers.

I wish I wasn't so pale.
I don't like the human race.
I like jelly bracelets. I like eating and sleeping. I don't like liars. I don't like cocky people. I loves my boyfriend. I like my doggie. I don't like how my hair colour fades so fast. I like faceboooook. I like staying outside all night. 
I don't like the human race.
I don't like when my legs get all tingly when I take off my pants because they're so tight. I like how people spread rumors about me because it humors me. I don't like bitches. I like bluntness to CERTAIN EXTENTS. I don't like any kind of math. I like my friends. I don't like how my phone dies so fast.
I don't like the human race.
I don't like you're face. I like cookies. I like walks. I like summmmmah. I like swimmming in the park pools piss water. I don't like ants. I like trampolines. I like music. I don't like fakeness. I like slime. I don't like little girls.
I don't like the human race.

Do you get the point that I hate the human race yet? -____-

Awux is.....confused

Greeeeaat. I'm confused AGAIN.
Lucy knows what I'm talking about... UGH. LUCY, HELP ME. Lololol. I know there's not much use in saying that though, because obviously I don't listen too well. -___-
Today's been a music day for me, but full of Pearl Jam, Skid Row, Motley Crue, and Alice In Chains lol. Not too bad. Makes me happeh.
I'mmmm wanting some lovins and cuddles from muh boiiii. Is that too much to ask? Maybe a nap and some Van Halen too?

Wigger wannabes. -______-

You know what I hate :  People who think they're hardasses.

People are so dumb, I swear. Today, I hung out with my dad at his place after I ate with Lucy. :D  We had a fancy time and then Alex showed up. Lololol. Half a day of school which seems absolutely pointless to me. Wigger wannabes running their mouths. Ugh, I wish tomorrow would hurry up and roll around so I can see Keshi Wee already. We have lots of plans and I wanna hurry up and do thems. Lmfaolmfaolmfao.
One more week til' Spring break.

OHMAN. Now apparently I'm a "gothic cunt". I hate people, like I said earlier, who try to be wigger wannabes whooo think they're hard asses.
Okay, I'm seriously aggravated.
Unless you want to hear me vent about how much my hate for the human race is growing, I suggest I should go now.

Later.

18 And Life - Skid Row. (For Lucy)

Ricky was a young boy, he had a heart of stone.
Lived 9 to 5 and worked his fingers to the bone.
Just barely out of school, came from the edge of town.
Fought like a switchblade so no one could take him down, no.
He had no money, noo, no good at home.
He walked the streets a soldier and he fought the world alone.

And now it's, 18 and life you got it. 18 and life you know. You're crime is time and it's 18 and life to go. 18 and life you got it, 18 and life you know. You're crime is time and it's 18 and life to go.

Tequila in his heartbeat, his veins burned gasoline.
It kept his motor running but it never kept him clean.
They said he loved adventure. "Ricky's the wild one"
He married trouble, had a courtship with a gun.
Bang-bang shoot em up, the party never ends.
You can't think of dying when the bottle's your bestfriend

And now it's 18 and life you got it. 18 and life you know. You're crime is time and it's 18 and life to go. 18 and life you got it, 18 and life you know. You're crime is time and it's 18 and life to go.

"Accidents will happen", they all heard Ricky say.
He fired his six-shot to the wind - that shot blew a child away.

And now it's 18 and life you got it. 18 and life you know. You're crime is time and it's 18 and life to go. 18 and life you got it. 18 and life you know. You're crime is time and it's 18 and life to go.

So, Jacob is apparently going to force feed me fruits.

So, today's been rather odd and very bipolar.
Starts out: I want to shoot myself and I'm so bored I could just fall over dead.
Continues on: Arguing.
Ends: Being nice, time speeding by, and in a decent mood.
Let's hope it stays that way and doesn't go back to total shiz. I also have a feeling that it's going to be a very hot summer. -____-
And I'm hoping Lucy's mom will let her come over my house eventually! (eventually meaning VERY soon!) I mean, it's not like I'm that bad of a person. I mean come onnn.

Tomorrow I really want to go hang out with Meegun. Mainly because I miss her and we can make another flower chain. :3  I just don't like choosing Meegun's or going to see mom. I just know I'll be spending time with Kelsi all this coming weekend and stuffs. Speaking of which, I'm very very very excited to see her! 6 days til' she's in! I'm kind of confused, though, because she's not coming in the week of my Spring Break. I'm very confused on why she'd take off work like....a week early. Unless she plans on staying for like two weeks which I highly doubt. :( BUT I HOPE SHE DOES! lol.

Ooooooh, oooooh, ooooooooh...I'M HOT FUH TEACHUHHH.

So, I just spent hours of my life watching a countdown on Vh1 of the greatest rock songs of all time. Why? Because I had nothing better to do and it was either continue to argue with Jacob or chill out for a few hours....so, I guess you can tell which I chose to do.
Tomorrow, hopefully I'll get to go to Sierra's or something exciting at least. It's only 10:10 and I'm so ready for bed. I'm just so aggravated and sick of everyone's mouth on me all the time when I'm not going nothing at all. It's not like sleep is actually going to help anything, though.

OHMAN, there were these waspers in gym this morning! (dead ones) But STILL. People were throwing them at me. D:

Well. K.
Bye.

jkvcxhjkddkas;fdsa

I need to go to Sierra's and I need to clean my new ear piercing. -____-
Then I need to eat and update my facebook status. THEN I need to try to get ahold of brocoda and see if he wants to go walking for a tad bit.
But before all of that, I need to go pee, eat, and talk to Baker about something pretty important. SO MANY THINGS I NEED TO DO.
Today was pretty good and I'm glad some things got taken care of. (I don't like when people handle me). I'm more confused than ever on certian things, though. SO. CONFUSED. I have certain people wanting to be my friend again....I'm not too excited about that. I don't feel like getting lied to again and junk. I'm just...not into that.

I'm the one they call doctor feel good!

Today, I went to Walmart. Chris and I got our ears pierced...well...him for the first time and me for like the trillionth time.
School blew today. Kind of. Everyone'se moving off or transfering schools. -____-  I miss my Hanimal lotslotslots. I miss Gage too! I WISH I COULD TRANSFER. Buuuut noooooo, I can't find a way to school and back everyday. Lmfao.
Lucy is making me really sad with all her love sick puppy talk. :(  I don't like seeing her sad and stuffs. Apparently I'm a "bad influence" on her which blows my mind at how people get that. Bleh.

I'm glad it's getting warm, though. :)
Winter just isn't my thing. Hopefully Steph and I will get to go to Sierra's Friday or something and hang out. The weather is too pretty to stay inside and just do nothing. :P
Yaknow what would be really nice right now? Cheesesticks from Papa Johns. 

Because pinapples are great....and the lesbians are ate!

I'm so sick of people, I swear. All of them. (except muh love, of course.)
Apparently I'm a stupid bitch for not being your friend again when you lied on me and talked stuffs about me. I don't call that being a bitch, I call that using my common sense! I'm sorry you talk stuffs about my boi and I that aren't true. It's not my fault. I didn't make you do that. I actually wish you didn't, because I actually do miss how you used to be. People change, though. And apparently you have greatly. Like I said, there's nothing at all I can do about that.

So, there's this lesbian who I totally don't like lmfao. 
Why? Because she's dumb and needs a life. (not because she's a lesbian.)
I love my new phone and life's getting better, I guess.

Well, I'm tired. So guess what? I'm going to sleep after talking to my boi for a bit.
Goodnight and have an ant-tastic sleep!  ._____.

You'll feel better come the morning light.

Why does today suck so badly? Probably because my life revolves around douchewads. As of right now, I'm just so....fed up. I could probably strangle somebody right now. If it's not one thing, then it's another.

You live to only die.

What the hell?

All I feel for you now is pure hate. Nothing more.

Ohman, I hate it when I get accused of things I don't do. :( 

I'm so tired right now. I can't wait to eat my sherburt and go to bed. Well, I've got to call Jake back too. Waking up early and going to a place where you hate pretty much everyone is not something I look forward to, but I guess I'll have to deal. I can barely focus on what I'm writing because I'm so tired. Urguh. What the hell is shamalamadingdong? SO. I'm seriously thinking about dying my hair like Hayley Williams. I don't know, though. I kind of think it would look bad, but everyone says it would look pretty rad.

UGH, and the next person who sends me a game request on facebook is seriously going to get their throat ripped out by my bare hands. I swear, I've decided I hate most of the human race and I have no problem telling everyone to fuck off. I'm not in the mood to death with ignorace and childish games / drama that everyone tends to enjoy so well. What are you going to gain out of telling me my boyfriend done this or telling my boyfriend things that aren't true. What's wronggg with you?! Because I know for a fact your lying. So, tell me. What will you gain? Nothing. That's what you'll gain. You've lost me, I guess. And you'll never have my friendship again. Sorry, but you shouldn't have done me like you did.

So, I hope you have a happy life knowing what you did to me.
I hope you realize how much of a mistake you made and know that you'll never be my friend again.

Truefriendsstabyouinthefront. Learnthat,andyourlifewillbealoteasier.

Ello, there matey!

So, I'm in a really good mood today. Not sure why, but whatever. Better than being in a mad mood, right? I was so tired lastnight. As soon as I got home, I crashed so hard. Lmfao. AWUX NEEDS HER SLEEPYTIME.

I just put on my mask of makeup and ready to do something already. I'm so not wanting to sit here all day. I've ate like a whole box of poptarts since lastnight too. Which is sad. :[ I really miss mista polar bear, but I'm sure I'll manage. I lost muh cup of koolaid! Urguh, the world's going to come an end. So, I've decided I hate most of the human race. If people weren't such douche wads it might be different....buuuut most peopple areeee douche wads, so yeah. Even best friends (well, people you thought were your best friends) stab you in the back. True friends DO stab you in the front. Sometimes I wonder if anyone is a good person anymore.But I know there is such thing as trustworthy and faithful people. Jacob for example. He's the best person I know. So, that's at least one right? And Lucy and Meegun are great too.
I could go on naming other people, but I have no time. I'm going down the road or something.
Lattttuuuur. :)

Panic At The Disco - The Ballad Of Mona Lisa.

She paints her fingers with a close precision. He starts to notice empty bottles of gin. And takes a moment to assess the sins she's paid for. A lonely speaker in a conversation. Her words are swimming through his ears again. There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you paid for. 
Say what you mean, tell me I'm right and let the sun rain down on me. Give me a sign I want to believe.
Whoa, Mona Lisa. You're guaranteed to run this town.
Whoa, Mona Lisa. I'd pay to see you frown.

He sense something call it desperation. Another dollar another day. And if she has the perfect words to say, she'd tell but she'd have nothing left to sell him......

Say what you mean, tell me I'm right and let the sun rain down on me. Give me a sign I want to believe.
Whoa, Mona Lisa. You're guaranteed to run this town.
Whoa, Mona Lisa. I'd pay to see you frown.

Oh Mona Lisa.

Say what you mean, tell me I'm right and let the sun rain down on me. Give me a sign. I want to believe.
Whoa, Mona Lisa. You're guaranteed to run this town.
Whoa, Mona Lisa. I'd pay to see you frown.

Say what you mean, tell me I'm right and let the sun rain down on me. Give me a sign. I want to believe.
There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for.

You wonder why they call you bitch?

Ohman, this must be a quick post because I'm tired and a new Jersey Shore is coming on soon. :)
My polar bear and I are doing greeeat together. <3
We're so happy and I couldn't ask for a better guy than him. He understands me and he loves me. He cares. What more could I possibly ask for in somebody? He's my other half. Without him, I'm not complete.

Ohman, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow that I certainly do not want to attend. BUT I am going to Sierra's Saturday and hanging out with her and Steph, so it's all good. That makes up for the stupid doctors appointment.

OHMAN, lol.
Lucy wasn't at school today and I thought I was going to die.


So, I told you this was going to be a short post...so....latur.
:3

monsters enjoy latching onto my brain and sucking all the life out. :(

Homework, why must you always haunt me? These ten pages of science aren't doing me many favors that are due tomorrow and I've only done three of them. :(  Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? I do....sometimes. Why do some people think certain ways when others don't? I guess I just think too much sometimes.
I need to get out of this hell-hole called Chapmanville. I wish I could transfer to Logan, but sadly, I don't have a way there and back, Or I would gladly switch in a heartbeat. Right now, Awux just wants to take a nap and get rid of this terrible headache she has. I'm getting very frustrated with this homework and I'm just about to give up. This headache is like a monster sucking out my brains. ;(

City and Colour - Save Your Scissors.

So go on and I will refrain. And I'll keep on running this neverending race. Maybe next time will be the right time. And maybe next time will be your time.

So save your scissors for someone else's skin. My surface is so tough, I don't think the blade will dig in. Save your strength. Save your wasted time. There's no way that I want you to be left behind. Go on and save your scissors. Save your scissors.

So why does it always seem that everytime I turn around somebody falls in love with me? This has never been my soul intention. And I never claimed to have patents on such inventions.

Just save your scissors for someone else's skin. My surface is so tough I don't think the blade will dig in. Save your strength. Save your wasted time. There's no way that I want you to be left behind. Go on and save your scissors. Save your scissors.

There is something that I must confess to you tonight. To you tonight. And that is I expect nothing less from you tonight. From you tonight.
Go on and save your scissors.
Save your scissors.
Save your scissors.

Go...die.

Okay, so there's this girl, right? Well, I want to rip her face off. NO. I want to rip her throat out with my bare hands. Feed her to my dogs. STOMP HER UNTIL THERE'S NOTHING LET OF HER. You think you can ruin my life? Sweety, you're so sadly mistaken.
I don't need your lies?
I don't need your stories.
I stay in my own business, how about trying to stay in yours? Have you ever tried that? I think not.
It's actually not that hard. But maybe you're just incapable of the simplest things.
You know what? Screw you. Kay?
I'm done with you and your stupidity!

flamingpopcorn,siccck,polarbears,antstakingovertheworldd?

Today has sucked....
I'm sicker than hell. Everyone's grouchy. I'm very irritated from all of this green stuff coming out of my nose. -____-  It's just.....UGH.
That's the only way I know how to describe it. So, good luck trying to figure it out.
I have to go back to school tomorrow sadly. At least I get to see Lucy and Meegun and stuffs. That's better than nothing, right? I got a shirt today with a polar bear on it. :) Which makes me happy for certain reasons you wouldn't understand. I shall wear it tomorrow. I've charged muh Ipod all day, so it has no reason to not work tomorrow for school. I hate borrowing other people's ipods because all their music is just....terrible!

My weekend was all pretty great. I spent time with Sierra, Meegun, Lucy, and Stephanie. :DD Which...is great. Until I got sick.... I still think I'm cursed with a soar throat every so many days. It's just not fair! Haha. Also, why are there ants everywhere already? It just started getting hot and there's trillions of them. I can't imagine what it's going to be like in the dead middle of summer. Unimagineable amounts of them, I suppose? Maybe there here to take over the world. By the time 2012 rolls around, there's going to be so many of them....that they're going to destroy the world. Yes, that's my theory. Take it or leave it.

How can a sick person have such an appetite? I don't understand that much either.

Oh, and lastnight, my grandpa put a bag of popcorn in the microwave....and put it on four minutes. ;D Well, my momaw got it out of the microwave and it was like black. Literally smoking. Almost caught the house on fire. WHATATARDDD. Lololol.

Blind Witness - 10 minutes of clinical death.

Seperated, Isolated.
Away from who I was before. My only consolation is to dream.
Of you laying in your own blood on the floor. Of you laying in your own blood on the floor.
But this is what keeps me so far away. Away from the ones who can give me the chance to see another day. I'm going six feet down. But I swear, I'm taking you with me into the ground!

Precious glory moment come near me. Let that dream become your worst enemy. Let me help you. Put that rope around your neck. Satisfaction everywhere. Then I kick the fucking chair.

Then I kick the fucking chair!

Who gives a fuck? You're fucking dead.
Who gives a fuck? You're fucking dead.
Bitch.


This is weird how it's going to hurt you, but please me. I'll make the pain last forever. I won't give up on you. Til can hear the word I'm sorry. Until you realize what the fuck you did. I wish I wasn't weak that day. Without compassion.

You never got what you fuckin' truly deserved.
Oh glory moment become my liberation.
Become our liberation.

I'mhungry.

So, I haven't been able to get on much recently. That's not good, but oh well, I'm here now. I've been busy this weekend. It's been fun, though. I'm so hungry and I cannot wait for momaw to get home with the pizza already. I'm glad I'm home too. I've actually gotten pretty homesick these past few days. It's been pretty crazy aha.

I'd do anything to go crawl in the bed right now and go to sleep, but I'm too hungry to. As soon as I stuff my face, I'm sure I will.
I'm really happy I just got out of the house.
Must I have to go to school tomorrow? Probably. -____-  URGUH, my stupid phone isn't even working hardly. It's very irritating and I JUST NEED A NEW PHONE ALREADY. Bleh.

Well, for now, I believe I'm going to lay down so I can reply to some of these texts messages I've gotten. No service in kitchen. :(
I'll probably be back on when momaw's home.

Laturrr.

school?noooo:(

So, I've spent the last two days with Sierra. :) 
I'm very tired, though and I actually can't wait to go home, eat, and go to bed. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, but I have to. -____- Unless I get any sicker. My throat is absolutely killing me. Sierra's fallen asleep and I have probably like an hour before I go home....so it looks like I'll just stay on the computer until it's time. 
I wonder if my grades are really what edline says they are? If so, then I'm not failing, but I have two D's. :( 




Fuuuu-- my life.

Tired/Movies/JerseyShoredifferentcountry,wuah?

I. Am. So. Tired.
No, seriously. I feel like I'm a zombie. I stayed at Meegun's last night and we went to the movies and stufffs. Well, Lucy and Meegan slept right and I was at the foot of the bed in a ball haha. Beeeh. D:
So now, I'm all like "man....my back hurts...."
But other than that it was all great :p

Have you ever actually started thinking really hard about things and realize that nothing ever works out the way it's supposed to? Yeah, well that's right. I'm so happy right now it's totally unreal. I've got my one and only back in my life and I'm so greatful. I'm nothing without that kiddo and he's nothing without me. Six months isn't enough, I want an entire lifetime and that's exactly what it's going to be.

Jersey Shore in a different country? Whatthehell? I guess.

I'm extremely tired and now I'm going to Sierra's later. I'm totally stoked because I haven't been there in FOREVERRR. Her mama, my aunt, is going to fix meh a chocolate pie because she's awesome.

:)  Loveyou,Jacob.

Adore - Paramore.

I don't mean to run, but every time you come around I feel more alive than ever. & I guess it's too much. Maybe we're too young and I don't even know what's real, but I know I've never wanted anything so bad. I've never wanted anyone so bad.

If I let you love me, be the one adored, would you go all the way? Be the one I'm looking for. If I let you love me (if I say), be the one adored (it's okay), would you go all the way? (you can stay) Be the one I'm looking for.

Help me come back down from high above the clouds. You know I'm suffocating, but I blame this town. Why do I deny the things that burn inside? Down deep I'm barely breathing, but you just see a smile. And I don't want to let this go. Really I just want to know.

If I let you love me, be the one adored, would you go all the way? Be the one I'm looking for. If I let you love me (if I say), be the one adored (it's okay), would you go all the way? (you can stay) Be the one I'm looking for.

If I let you love me, be the one adored. Would you go all the way? Be the one I'm looking for. If I let  you love me, be the one adored. Would you go all the way? Be the one I'm looking for. If I let you love you (if I say), be the one adored (it's okay), would you go all the way? (you can stay) Be the one I'm looking for.

Confused Awux.

How can a girl cry so much? How is it possible for her tear ducts not to swell shut and dry up? I feel like my heart has been ripped out brutally. The person I love more than anything hates the air I breath for no reason. I haven't done a thing wrong! I guess all I can do at this point is wait and cry. Listen to music and not sleep. "/  Man, I screw everything up, don't I?
I don't know why, but I've been so into Billy Idol these past few days. I mean, I've always liked him and all, it's just these past few days SO MUCH. :)

Things seem a little better so what does that mean? Ugh. I'm so confused. Why is Awux confused of all people about this subject?
REALLY? Fml.

I'mamoron.

Ohman....I'm not quite sure if I can handle all this jealousy and junk anymore. I'm sick of being accused of everything. I just have no idea what to do about anything anymore. I feel like a moron.

Beneath The Sky - Falling In Love With Cold Hands.

As I walk in a room filled with gloom. I don't know what to do.
Suddenly
Suddenly, my life has changed as another one's been taken.
Is it so?
I find myself in a daze as the sorrow grows.
Sorrow grows.
Tomorrow I lay alone wondering, wondering.
I lay alone.
Wondering how come? What if? And why?


Please give them words of comfort so they may rest in peace.


Suddenly.
Suddenly my life has changed as another one's been taken.
Is it so?
I find myself in a daze as the sorrow grows.
Sorrow grows.
Tomorrow I lay alone wondering, wondering.
I lay alone.
Wondering how come? What if? And why?
Suddenly? Is it so? Is it so? Sorrow grows. I lay alone. I lay alone.


And I can't stand this bad feeling. Looking at you across the room today. The sun is shining bright outside. And I can't stand to fight. Walking away. Walking away today.

Blood in hands. My eyes are shut.

Tomorrow, I lay alone!
Me. Me. Me.
Just let it be!

Hippies and Bacon

Hippies? Bacon?
Awux is very confused. Friends keep telling me I'm a retard, but I just can't help it. Maybe I am stupid. Actually, I know I am.....fml.

Whysoserious,ihateihateihate = everything.

Why so serious? Don't get mad, bro. Lmfao.

Seriously. I'm in a bunch of pickles at school and home and everywhere. It's getting pretty old and I'm about to man-punch someone. I'm sick of all these so called "friends". (Even though I'm very glad I have a few friends who are great - Lucy, Meegun, ect.) Don't let one rotten apple spoil the whole bunch. Did that make any sense? Yeah, didn't think so.

You know what else I hate? When people ignore you. Especially when it's the guy who means more to you than life it'self.
No matter how hard I try to avoid drama, it keeps following me. Why?
And sense when do I get all sensitive about something that I normally wouldn't care about at all.
What's happening to me?!?! Jeeze, I'm going to the dark side of fluffy things and rainbows, aren't I? :o  No, couldn't be that. Fluffy things and rainbows? OHCOMEON.

Arizona Fruit Punch, stretched ears, great music, and the person who gets you through the most. That's all ya really need in life. Who needs things like puppies, rainbows, and unicorns? Take that and shove it down your throat, please?

Ohreally?

                                                                Friends<3

Between the Buried and Me - Disease, Injury, Madness.

Don't think. Don't speak. I will do this for you. Every natural thought or feeling you've ever had will change tonight.
Don't think. Don't speak. I will do this for you. Trust the pedestal, for now we become a higher being.

I am your new mind.
I am your new you.
I am your new sin.
I am your new lust.
I am for you now.

Control and collapse, collide. A letter plagued by a twisted word. Slave. You will become mine, for there are no more options. There will not be a sweet consolation. This is what is supposed to happen. A predetermined destiny put in motion by my stronger power.
YOU are ME.


Child:
I sit on this dirty floor. A weak mind for a cause. A cause I do not know. Don't know what to live for. A compliment I've never heard. A comfort I've never felt. It's here, even though it won't last for long.

Man:
Sit down. Stand up, please. Lay down, drink this please. You'll be in peace soon. A tribe within it'self. A vision will display. To blind the caring. Too late...

I am a cult by definition. I am a friend by first impression.
My task:  to recycle this earth. To not repeat human history. Start from scratch, rid every sound. Deconstruct....deconstruct all.

I've bit every method into the hands of my employees. I am a cult by definition. I am a scientist by default. I have saved you. Now you will follow my journey, my destiny. Tonight's your death. Ressurect my new you.

I am a cult by definition. I will end this human world. This world is shit and I have proved this with my followers. Fuck humanity, end life! You are now dead and I soon will be.

Disease.
Injury.
Madness.

possiblestrep/angerissues/STALKERS/sickkkk/whateverandgoodnight.

I wish I had more time to get on this stupid thing. School is stressing me out so bad. I can't concentrate or focus on anything no matter how hard I try to keep my head in the game. Backstabbing bestfriends, confused relationships, blah. Why must things be so complicated with everybody? So, today in 6th period, I realized I believe I have strep throat once again. I CAN'T HAVE STREP. I have too much stuff to do for and in school. I don't have time to go to the doctor and get my throat swabbed with those awful swabby thingies! It's hard enough doing what I'm doing how I'm doing it.
My cousin made me so angry today. -___-  Maybe I just get angry too often? Could that be it?

Have you ever had a stalker? It's kind of weird....because they're...always there it seems. Since I've come back to school, I'm somewhat happier. Okay, fine. I'm a lot happier. NOT because I like school (because I don't) but because I missed everyone so much. It's so good to be back around these people. I feelings I had sitting around the house all the time & always being alone were just...ugh. I can't even explain. Dude, I just keep feeling worse as the minutes pass. Keep feeling sicker and sicker and even sicker.

My mind just randomly shot blank....
Maybe that's a sign that I should go to bed? Baha. It's only 9:17, though. =( Eh, I'm sick. It's not like it could hurt anything or make matters worse. Right? Urguh...I have the writing assessment this week I think. "/
Isn't that just lovely? No.
ANYWAY...goodnight, I guess.

Alice In Chains - Confusion.

There's no time to give at all. I cause you grief and blow my hatred further in your mind. You reach, I run, you fall. On skinned knees you crawl.
I want to set you free. Recognize my disease. Love, sex, pain, confusion, suffering. You're there crying I feel not a thing. Drilling my way deeper in your head. Sinking, draining, drowning, bleeding, dead.

So you sit and think of love. I wait, hate all the more, I fall. On skinned knees I crawl.
I want to set you free. Recognize my disease. Love, sex, pain, confusion, suffering. You're there crying, I feel not a thing. Drilling my way deeper in your head. Sinking, draining, drowning, bleeding, dead.

Now there's time to give it all. I put my fears behind again. On skinned knees we'll crawl.
I want to set you free. Recognize my disease. Love, sex, pain, confusion, suffering. You're there crying I feel not a thing. Drilling my way deeper in your head. Sinking, draining, drowning, bleeding, dead.

Love, sex, pain, confusion, suffering.

Powerpuffgirls,allnighters,guyssuck,andjobs?wth?

I've been sitting at CAMC Memorial since 10:00 lastnight. How do you think I feel? I feel pretty terrible. Oh buddy, I really didn't want to miss school today but I had no choice. I've 2:24 p.m. and we're still sitting here. I'd much rather be laying around my house eating and playing Zelda all day. WHY CAN'T I DO THAT? I feel like I could just lay in the cold hospital floor and sleep....but that's seriously gross...lol.

I want to be a powerpuff girl when I grow up.  Eh...not really though. I've never told anybody this, but I'd actually enjoy being a nurse. I already know lots about the field and I'd be able to help my mom when the time comes too.

Have you ever felt hopeless? Ever felt like the one person you want to care about you doesn't? Yeah...well me too. Some guys are such drama queens and they're big ole babies. They're mean too when they want to be! Jeeze. Tell me about complicated. -____-

I've gotta go for now.
Later.

Ismellsexandcandyhere.

Okay, so...I'm not in class anymore so I decided to make a blog of my own I guess so I can still check out Lucy's blog and stuff.
I'm extremely happy to be in school again to be with all my friends and such. Came back on Valentines Day. :D

"I smell sex and candy here."

I need to find something to do today. I'm such a loser sometimes. I have like...no life. Why does everybody take things so seriously all the time? I mean seriously. Let loose. LIVE LIFE. Have fun! Don't live life in fear and regret. Live as though you may not be here tomorrow. You never know, yaknow.  I've learned that from major experiences. I hate it when I give advice when SOMEBODY ELSE ASKS ME, and they don't listen. Even though I've already been through the situation like a trillion times. It's highly annoying.

I REALLY hate people pushing one of my bestfriends to do something she doesn't want to do. She's her own person, and you cannot tell her to jump and she ask how high. That's not how it works, buddy.

Lucy, I've missed to so! I'm glad to be back and I'm sure hampuff missed you too :3