Candlebox - Left Me Far Behind.

Now maybe.
I didn't mean to treat you bad but I did it anyway. And then maybe. Some would say your life was sad but you lived it anyway. And so maybe. You're friends they stand around they watch you crumble. As you falter to the ground. And then some day. Your friends they stand beside as you were flying. Oh, you were flying oh so high. But then someday people look at you for what they call their own, they watch you suffer. Yeah, they hear you calling home. And then some day we could take our time. To brush the leaves aside so you can reach us. But you left me far behind.

Now maybe.
I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad but I did it anyway. Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had. But you couldn't share the pain.

No, no, no.
Couldn't share the pain, they watch you suffer. Now maybe I could have made my own mistakes. But I live with what I've known. And then maybe we might share in something rare. But won't you look at where we've grown. Won't you look at where we've gone. But then someday comes. Tomorrow holds a sense of what I feel for you in my mind. As you trip the final line. And that cold day when you lost control. Shame you left my life so soon you should have told me. But you left me far behind.

Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad. But I did it anyway. Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had. But you couldn't share the pain, no, no, no.

Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad. But I did it anyway, Now maybe baby some would say you're left with what you had. But you couldn't share the pain. I said times have changed your friends. They come and watch you crumble to the ground. They watch you suffer. Yeah, they hold you down. Hold you down. Now mabe, oh, oh, maybe. I didn't mean to treat you bad.
But you left me far behind.
Left me far behind.
Left me far behind.

Blahblahblah. Complain complain complain.

Okay, it's definitely time to complain about things before I explode.
WHY DO I ALWAYS MESS EVERYTHING UP?!?! I don't understand! I don't understand how I can be such a bad girlfriend or a friend or a daughter. Apparently I don't try at anything. Apparently I'm never there for my friends. Apparently I never call my dad because I don't care or because I hate him.
Jacob, I do try. I love you more than anything. (it's not like you're going to ever read this)
Friends, Go suck a tit if you don't think I'm here for you. More than likely, it's just you being ignorant.
Dad, I don't call you because every time I do, I end up crying by the time I get off the phone.

I'm sorry if I seem like such a terrible person because I'm really not all that bad if I do say so myself. I try! But all my efforts are folded into a big ball of shit and threw in my face. I'm sorry I can't be perfect and I'm sorry I can't be mrs. incredible.

My Spring break is going to be horrible. I already feel it.
Looks like I'll see lots of facebook and tumblr and my bed. Ooooh, yes. Especially my bed. What do I want to do over Spring Break? I want to see my perfect boyfriend every day and go lay in the grass buuuuut nooooo. That's just impossible, isn't it?
OR have Lucy come up and hang out with me...yaknow..stay the night or something. Buuuuut noooo. Her mom hates me and won't let her.
Sierra's mom says she has an attitude.
WTF?!

This sucks. It's 10:00 and I'm already considering going to bed this early...and it's the first day of break. I bet you a trillion bucks the hospital will call about 3:00 in the morning and everyone is going to have to stroll over there in the middle of the night.
I'm sick of all this horseshit.

F...m...l....

This is the worst day of my life.
I'm losing everything.
My friends.
My boyfriend.
My family.
Everything.

Apparently the one person in this world who I thought cared hates me. Literally. "i hate you!" proves that.

Nirvana - Dumb.

I"m not like them but I can pretend. The sun has gone but I have a light. The day is done but I'm having fun.

I think I'm dumb...maybe just happy? Think I'm just happy. Think I'm just happy. Think I'm just happy.

My heart is broke but I have some glue. Help me inhale and mend it with you. We'll float around and hang out on clouds.

Then we'll come down....and have a hangover. Have a hangover. Have a hangover. Have a hangover.

Sink the sun. Fall asleep. Wish away. The soul is cheap. Lesson learned. Wish me luck. Soothe the burn. Wake me up.

I'm not like them but I can pretend. The sun has gone but I have a light. The day is done but I'm having fun.

I think I'm dumb... maybe just happy? Think I'm just happy. Think I'm just happy. Think I'm just happy.

I think I'm dumb.

I think I"m dumb.

Hmmm?

I'm seriously considering cutting all my hair off.
I know I've told like...everyone not to let me cut my hair off because...well...it took me two years to get it where it is now. But it's just so annoying, man.


"This love hate sex pain" - Godsmack.

So, I'm in love with this dead man.

 

Layne Staley<333

Too sillly? Yes, I'm much too silly.

Mom's doing pretty bad again. Bleh. I hate feeling like this. Yaknow, unable to breath, constant worry, crying until I feel like my eyes are going to bleed, dreading the phone ringing in dear that it's bad news, ect.
It sucks is all.
Then to beat it all, my bestfriend made me bawl lastnight when I was at my worst. Don't preach to me. I'm not being brainwashed. I'm confused and thinking about things. I'll make my own decisions and I don't need any guidance about that kind of thing. That's ridiculous. Saying it's my fault if my mom dies? Damn, that's just pretty low no matter what the reason. And no, it's not my fault when bad things happen to her. I love her with all my heart and NOBODY is going to tell me I don't!

Anyway, on to happier things. I feel like a total skankface right now. I've slept all day mostly. I'm not kidding. All. Day. Now I need to go to sleep for school tomorrow and it's pretty much impossible because a person can only sleep so much, right?
I baked a cake today too! And it was good. I couldn't believe it. I baked something and didn't absolutely ruin it. ;D
I still have people saying I've changed (people meaning one person in this case) and that's BS. I'm not the one who's changed, they have. Lol, jeeze. I can't believe the situations she's put herself into. She's pretty much ruined her life with stupid mistakes and lies. Things she can' reverse, but the facts will never go away. I don't think she can pull herself out of this hole this time. She's stuck tight. -____- 

Well, I'm going to bed soon, so...later?

=))

So, today Keshi and I tyedyed.

Choooooocoooolateee pieeee.

I'm going to kill Dakota for not coming to school today and leaving me at that stupid field trip (which was terrible, btw.) The bright side about today is Keshi Wee came in! Only for the weekend, but anything's something! We went to wallyworld and got pie stuffs and then got home and watched The Trailer Park Boys....aaaand I fell asleep as always. Gaaaay.

Tomorrow is going to be a hecktic day. Getting up kinda early and going to the mall. Then movies when we get back. :]  I loves my Kesh. I wish she didn't have to leave so soon. D:  Awux is too sensitive.

I hate the human race.

I want to go walking down the road but I'm lonely right now and have nobody to walk with....because I'm disliked..lol.
I was in the middle of a blog earlier, but Bennett was all like "Hmmm....AREWESUPPOSEDTOBEDOINGTHISNOW?" I'm just like UGH, Idkkkk why notttt...I mean c'monnn.
There's a gay field trip tomorrow which I really don't want to go to. I nigguh promised Dakota though, so I guess I have to. I'm positive Lucy would try to strangle me too. The only people who call me are telemarketers.

I wish I wasn't so pale.
I don't like the human race.
I like jelly bracelets. I like eating and sleeping. I don't like liars. I don't like cocky people. I loves my boyfriend. I like my doggie. I don't like how my hair colour fades so fast. I like faceboooook. I like staying outside all night. 
I don't like the human race.
I don't like when my legs get all tingly when I take off my pants because they're so tight. I like how people spread rumors about me because it humors me. I don't like bitches. I like bluntness to CERTAIN EXTENTS. I don't like any kind of math. I like my friends. I don't like how my phone dies so fast.
I don't like the human race.
I don't like you're face. I like cookies. I like walks. I like summmmmah. I like swimmming in the park pools piss water. I don't like ants. I like trampolines. I like music. I don't like fakeness. I like slime. I don't like little girls.
I don't like the human race.

Do you get the point that I hate the human race yet? -____-

Awux is.....confused

Greeeeaat. I'm confused AGAIN.
Lucy knows what I'm talking about... UGH. LUCY, HELP ME. Lololol. I know there's not much use in saying that though, because obviously I don't listen too well. -___-
Today's been a music day for me, but full of Pearl Jam, Skid Row, Motley Crue, and Alice In Chains lol. Not too bad. Makes me happeh.
I'mmmm wanting some lovins and cuddles from muh boiiii. Is that too much to ask? Maybe a nap and some Van Halen too?

Wigger wannabes. -______-

You know what I hate :  People who think they're hardasses.

People are so dumb, I swear. Today, I hung out with my dad at his place after I ate with Lucy. :D  We had a fancy time and then Alex showed up. Lololol. Half a day of school which seems absolutely pointless to me. Wigger wannabes running their mouths. Ugh, I wish tomorrow would hurry up and roll around so I can see Keshi Wee already. We have lots of plans and I wanna hurry up and do thems. Lmfaolmfaolmfao.
One more week til' Spring break.

OHMAN. Now apparently I'm a "gothic cunt". I hate people, like I said earlier, who try to be wigger wannabes whooo think they're hard asses.
Okay, I'm seriously aggravated.
Unless you want to hear me vent about how much my hate for the human race is growing, I suggest I should go now.

Later.

18 And Life - Skid Row. (For Lucy)

Ricky was a young boy, he had a heart of stone.
Lived 9 to 5 and worked his fingers to the bone.
Just barely out of school, came from the edge of town.
Fought like a switchblade so no one could take him down, no.
He had no money, noo, no good at home.
He walked the streets a soldier and he fought the world alone.

And now it's, 18 and life you got it. 18 and life you know. You're crime is time and it's 18 and life to go. 18 and life you got it, 18 and life you know. You're crime is time and it's 18 and life to go.

Tequila in his heartbeat, his veins burned gasoline.
It kept his motor running but it never kept him clean.
They said he loved adventure. "Ricky's the wild one"
He married trouble, had a courtship with a gun.
Bang-bang shoot em up, the party never ends.
You can't think of dying when the bottle's your bestfriend

And now it's 18 and life you got it. 18 and life you know. You're crime is time and it's 18 and life to go. 18 and life you got it, 18 and life you know. You're crime is time and it's 18 and life to go.

"Accidents will happen", they all heard Ricky say.
He fired his six-shot to the wind - that shot blew a child away.

And now it's 18 and life you got it. 18 and life you know. You're crime is time and it's 18 and life to go. 18 and life you got it. 18 and life you know. You're crime is time and it's 18 and life to go.

So, Jacob is apparently going to force feed me fruits.

So, today's been rather odd and very bipolar.
Starts out: I want to shoot myself and I'm so bored I could just fall over dead.
Continues on: Arguing.
Ends: Being nice, time speeding by, and in a decent mood.
Let's hope it stays that way and doesn't go back to total shiz. I also have a feeling that it's going to be a very hot summer. -____-
And I'm hoping Lucy's mom will let her come over my house eventually! (eventually meaning VERY soon!) I mean, it's not like I'm that bad of a person. I mean come onnn.

Tomorrow I really want to go hang out with Meegun. Mainly because I miss her and we can make another flower chain. :3  I just don't like choosing Meegun's or going to see mom. I just know I'll be spending time with Kelsi all this coming weekend and stuffs. Speaking of which, I'm very very very excited to see her! 6 days til' she's in! I'm kind of confused, though, because she's not coming in the week of my Spring Break. I'm very confused on why she'd take off work like....a week early. Unless she plans on staying for like two weeks which I highly doubt. :( BUT I HOPE SHE DOES! lol.

Ooooooh, oooooh, ooooooooh...I'M HOT FUH TEACHUHHH.

So, I just spent hours of my life watching a countdown on Vh1 of the greatest rock songs of all time. Why? Because I had nothing better to do and it was either continue to argue with Jacob or chill out for a few hours....so, I guess you can tell which I chose to do.
Tomorrow, hopefully I'll get to go to Sierra's or something exciting at least. It's only 10:10 and I'm so ready for bed. I'm just so aggravated and sick of everyone's mouth on me all the time when I'm not going nothing at all. It's not like sleep is actually going to help anything, though.

OHMAN, there were these waspers in gym this morning! (dead ones) But STILL. People were throwing them at me. D:

Well. K.
Bye.

jkvcxhjkddkas;fdsa

I need to go to Sierra's and I need to clean my new ear piercing. -____-
Then I need to eat and update my facebook status. THEN I need to try to get ahold of brocoda and see if he wants to go walking for a tad bit.
But before all of that, I need to go pee, eat, and talk to Baker about something pretty important. SO MANY THINGS I NEED TO DO.
Today was pretty good and I'm glad some things got taken care of. (I don't like when people handle me). I'm more confused than ever on certian things, though. SO. CONFUSED. I have certain people wanting to be my friend again....I'm not too excited about that. I don't feel like getting lied to again and junk. I'm just...not into that.

I'm the one they call doctor feel good!

Today, I went to Walmart. Chris and I got our ears pierced...well...him for the first time and me for like the trillionth time.
School blew today. Kind of. Everyone'se moving off or transfering schools. -____-  I miss my Hanimal lotslotslots. I miss Gage too! I WISH I COULD TRANSFER. Buuuut noooooo, I can't find a way to school and back everyday. Lmfao.
Lucy is making me really sad with all her love sick puppy talk. :(  I don't like seeing her sad and stuffs. Apparently I'm a "bad influence" on her which blows my mind at how people get that. Bleh.

I'm glad it's getting warm, though. :)
Winter just isn't my thing. Hopefully Steph and I will get to go to Sierra's Friday or something and hang out. The weather is too pretty to stay inside and just do nothing. :P
Yaknow what would be really nice right now? Cheesesticks from Papa Johns. 

Because pinapples are great....and the lesbians are ate!

I'm so sick of people, I swear. All of them. (except muh love, of course.)
Apparently I'm a stupid bitch for not being your friend again when you lied on me and talked stuffs about me. I don't call that being a bitch, I call that using my common sense! I'm sorry you talk stuffs about my boi and I that aren't true. It's not my fault. I didn't make you do that. I actually wish you didn't, because I actually do miss how you used to be. People change, though. And apparently you have greatly. Like I said, there's nothing at all I can do about that.

So, there's this lesbian who I totally don't like lmfao. 
Why? Because she's dumb and needs a life. (not because she's a lesbian.)
I love my new phone and life's getting better, I guess.

Well, I'm tired. So guess what? I'm going to sleep after talking to my boi for a bit.
Goodnight and have an ant-tastic sleep!  ._____.